This was harder than I thought..

10 Things You Wish You Could Say to 10 Different People Right Now:

1. I’m sure you don’t care, and I’m sure you don’t understand at all what I mean when I say this but, I can’t love you. I mean, all the shit you did to me, everything you’ve said and done, I can’t. All you are in my life is an ever present shadow that I resent. Honestly, I’ve felt like killing you.

2. I want you to know that I love you, and although I never say it to you, I mean it. It hurts me to know that I take so much away from you and all you ask for me is my own success. I’m trying to make it easier for you, I really am trying, even with all this shit that weighs me down. I’m sorry I can’t tell you anything. It’s just how it is. You don’t understand, and I mean that in the most non-offensive way possible, but please, know I love you.

3. You are the single, close person in my life and you already know that I will, with the best of my ability, stay with you throughout everything. Artemis, I love you.

4. I think we might be slowly edging apart from each other.. and a part of me is surprisingly fine with it. It frightens me to think that I’d need to replace a friend, especially one as close as you. I really don’t want that to happen. You’re the closest thing to a brother. I hope I’m wrong. I really hope I’m wrong.

5. You guys are the only friends that I keep close to me. It’s not because I can’t seem to get other people to like me, no, it’s due to the filtration process that’s gone into my relationships over years that left me with the few of you that I respect and undoubtedly enjoy the company of. I love you all.

6. After all this time, I still want to know why you did it and how exactly you had the balls to go through with it. I miss you, man.

7. I’m sorry. For everything I did.

8. I’m not as amazing or as intelligent or as “cute” as you believe I am. I’m rarely an overachiever. I’m not always quiet or shy. I do have a lot of weight on my shoulders, and if it doesn’t show, then it’s because I don’t want it to. I do lie, I am selfish, and I am narcissistic. I’m suffocating. I do like to show off. I’m not always sweet. Frankly, I’m an arrogant idiot. I am ugly, physically and mentally, and I will hurt you one way or another. Stay away from me.

9. I don’t belong. I’ll say it again and again because I know it’s true. None of you understand who the hell I really am and honestly, it doesn’t even matter because that’s it. That’s how it should be. You’re not the kind of people I hang out with and although it makes me feel as if I’m a boxed-in outcast, I’m glad I don’t have to put up a facade. To be honest, some of you are disgusting.

10. Hi, my name is Kevin. No, you don’t know me from anywhere. I’m a stranger. I’d just like to tell you that I find you beautiful. I’m sorry to take up your time, I’ll be off. Goodbye.

9 Things People May Not Know About You:

1. Every single wrong that I’ve committed in my life is always on replay in my head. I see it in detail. It does affect me, even if I look like I don’t give two shits.

2. I’m a pretty lonely person. I don’t exactly fit in. Regardless, I’m planning to live alone.

3. I believe that death is my own personal freedom and I have to fight through life in order to deserve it. I’m not afraid of it either. It’s pain that I’m scared of. If I’m going to die, then I’m going to die. Bahala na.

4. I over analyze every thing and have this neurotic urge to arrange. I’m socially awkward.

5. Regarding relationships, I either get bored or lose my interest or have commitment issues. I try to be honest about every thing, even thoughts, sometimes without regard for my other’s emotions. I can be a bit clingy. If I can’t have an intelligent conversation, I’ll leave. I can be really shallow. I’m inexperienced, awkward, and under confident, but I’ll try to get a smile every day. I like cuddling or simply lying together.. that’s bliss. I want a best friend and a lover.

6. I rarely-if-ever cry, and because of it one or two tears run when I lie down to go to sleep. It’s really annoying. I’m good at hiding my emotions and putting up a believable facade for any occasion, even in regards to fitting in.

7. I’m insecure and I have a very, very low self esteem. I’m arrogant and I like to brag sometimes. No, I do not believe I am good looking.

8. I have a visual mind and I have many, many situations I play out in my head. I believe I picked it up as a child, created by my literacy as a buffer from my onset boredom. Yes, I’m a dreamer. Yes, sometimes I am detached from reality. At the same time, I’m a realist and a pessimist, with little to nothing to hope for. I believe dreams are unattainable and goals are what you set. Oh and many of my ideas for writing and drawing come while I shower or right before I go to sleep.

9. I don’t know how to ride a bike or swim. My parents ceased trying to teach me quite easily, leaving me deprived. My mother can’t do either and my father is a horrible teacher, and by horrible I mean I literally learn nothing. When I say swim, I mean keep afloat on the surface of the water. I can swim across from deep end to shallow just fine.

8 Ways To Win Your Heart:

8. Complete understanding

7. The ability to take total honesty and give it

6. Being assertive and making the first move from time to time.. it’s just refreshing

5. Intelligent, insightful, or random conversations that are never forced

4. Acceptance and a sense of humor

3. I’ve actually never had anyone make anything for me that was raw and heartfelt. No poetry, or singing, or cooking, or illustrations or any of the like. That would win my heart. Creativity backed by infatuation.

2. The small physical things, like playing with my hair, or intertwining fingers, or putting an arm around mine, or kissing me on the cheek, or nuzzling my neck. Yeah. The little things.

1. Be real

7 Things That Cross Your Mind A Lot:

1. Artemis. She seems to be a constant these days

2. I think a lot about life

3. Music.. it always seems to be part of the background of my life.

4. Drawing and writing.. anything creative. Visual images always seem to hit me a lot

5. I usually imagine scenes depicting me with super powers or weaponry

6. I visit my future goals quite a bit, whether it be school, career, or whatnot

7. Sex, sensuality, romance and intimacy

6 Things You Do Before You Fall Asleep (not in order):

1. Wash face

2. Brush teeth

3. Drink Water

4. Take off my shorts

5. Lie down in bed

6. Check phone/listen to iPod

5 Characteristics You Value:

5. Honesty; no bullshit please

4. Maturity

3. Randomness, weirdness, insanity

2. A Sense of Humor

1. Creativity. Imagination.

4 Songs to Describe Your Life:

1. I’ll Always Be In Love With You - The Hurricanes

2. Good Intentions - The Dudes

3. Good Times Gonna Come - Aqualung

4. Flaws - Bombay Bicycle Club

3 Things You Regret:

1. Every wrong that I’ve commited

2. Every lie that I’ve said

3. Every ounce of pain that I’ve caused

2 Things You Want to Do Before You Die:

1. Be truly happy

2. Find someone to share the world with

1 Confession:

I think it would be better if I were forgotten.